I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
