dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
im having a threesome with these popsicles
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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