I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
two words...techno handjob
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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