I will die if light touches me.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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