He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
