i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
