i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
