Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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