your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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