I could make wine with my vomit
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
