Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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