highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
