Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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