you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
