this just has baby written all over it
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
