I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
