just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
