I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
