oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
