What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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