the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
