I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
