need another drink. this is the easiest way
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Randomize
