my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
