so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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