This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
