Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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