i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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