she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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