I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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