I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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