I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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