Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize