that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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