I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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