one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
