you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
