k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
