Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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