Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
it's like heaven, but drunker
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
