wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
