he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
