The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We need to get me chipped asap
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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