I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
