Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize