I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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