peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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