I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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