Don't make out with my wife yet
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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