drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
