After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize