we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
