I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
