Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
