i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
