I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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