I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
