1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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