youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
