I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
