he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize