You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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