Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
