You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
