maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
