Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
