Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
