She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize
