well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
How external is "for external use only"?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
