Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
