i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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