Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
