i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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