1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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