i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
