and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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