I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
