Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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