Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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