I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
